Just Listen

My wife tells me I have the gift of gab.

I admit it. I like to talk.

A lot.

I don't think I'm the type that likes to talk just to hear myself to talk (of course, perhaps my wife would beg to differ!), but I typically enjoy conversation--especially when the conversation is about the Bible or theology.

In my job I have to talk a lot. I have to talk to staff and parishioners daily. I preach and teach weekly. I meet with people. Visit people. Counsel people. All of which requires talking.

When your job demands that you talk a lot, sometimes you get in the habit of just always talking. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said it this way in his fantastic little book Life Together: "Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking" (97).

Indeed, sometimes I just need to shut up.

All of us do. But it's so hard for us.

Christians, especially it seems, are terrible at just shutting up when someone is hurting or suffering deeply. We like to quote Bible verses like "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Rom 8:28).

True enough, of course. And perhaps a very appropriate verse for certain occasions.

But if I am really suffering and experiencing deep grief or sadness or whatever, I think I'd rather have people around me more like what Job 2:13 says Job's friends did when they saw his incredible suffering: "Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was."

Sometimes there is great wisdom in silence.

As a pastor, I have lots of opportunities to talk to people and be with them in the midst of deep hurt, grief, pain, and suffering. There are also times when, frankly, people just need someone to listen to them, even if they are not experiencing anything earth-shattering at the moment.

To quote Bonhoeffer again: "Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening" (97-98).

I hope that in my own life I will be able to discern when to shut up and listen. I hope that in my work as a pastor I will be able to provide the incredibly important service of just listening.

In his book The Contemplative Pastor Eugene Peterson asks: "What is my proper work? What does it mean to be a pastor? If no one asked me to do anything, what would I do?" (19).

I have always loved the simple profundity of his response: "Three things . . . I can be a pastor who prays . . . I can be a pastor who preaches . . . [And] I can be a pastor who listens" (19-21).

Sometimes the most important thing we can do--no matter who we are or what our vocation--is just listen.